Then the Lord said to me, "Get up, go down quickly from here, for your people whom you have brought from Egypt have acted corruptly. They have been quick to turn from the way that I commanded them; they have cast an image for themselves."
Obedience. I struggle with obedience. Deep down inside, there's this little rebel that's itching to carve her own way out. She just knows what everyone else should be doing, and, of course, she has a plan for everything. I struggle against the reality of my life, and what I think should actually be happening.
I am fortunate my struggle is with a patient God.
Most of the time, the only reason I comply is just so I don't look bad, or stand out in some way where others could judge me. Not because I want to obey. But, mostly due to my innate fear of being found lacking. Not enough. Less than worthy.
He says I'm His. I'm redeemed. I'm worthy. And, I'm wonderfully made.
But, my fears say otherwise, and sometimes, I find it easier to believe them. Because, I know myself. I see the reflection in the mirror. I hear my thoughts.
Incredibly, despite my stubbornness and my refusal to obey, which require a belief and acceptance of His Truths, His patience with me goes on.
And, on . . .
Until I am perfected and redeemed through Him.
Until I receive my birthright, promised to me as His child.
Until His light shines so brightly through my brokenness, you can't see the scars or chips in me.
Until obedience is no longer an act of contrition or pride, but a conviction of my soul, a gift to my Maker.
I don't have to control my world to make me look better or to be accepted. There's no need for me to fear rejection. Because, He who matter most adores me.
Just. As. I. Am.
I can unclench my hands, drop my worries, and obey a plan that only wants the very, very best for me. A plan that ends with me being accepted, protected, and embraced.
Today, I offer my obedience back to the patient One. I will listen deeper, and believe His truths a little more. And, not only will I be thankful for His mercy, but also I will honor the authority He holds over my heart.
Psalms 45 or 47, 48